How to (Successfully) Set up a Blind Date:

Ever since i was little, i have LOVED to scheme.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is…what other people might call “planning” i prefer to call “scheming”.  There is something devious about the word that my sinister little mind just loves!

One of my most recent schemes involved two good friends of mine: Seth and Maddi.  I decided that they would be perfect together…they didn’t know each other and without my help they probably never would!  I talked to Maddi first.  I had told her about Seth a few times and she was very interested.  The tricky part would be Seth…and the rest of the date.  Now this guy is stubborn…as most guys are.  UNBELIEVABLY stubborn.  Now, there is a trick for getting around this, but you must be clever.  

The Stealthy Approach:

Step One: Broach the subject very casually.  Bring up the friend (Maddi in this case) in a conversation.  DO NOT MENTION A BLIND DATE.  This is very important…if the man so much as suspects that you are trying to trap him he will run.  Simply mention the girl so that he is familiar with the idea of her.

Step Two: Discover their common interests.  Find out one or two things that they are both into and could connect over.

Step Three: After finding out some common interests, bring those up to the guy.  Remain casual.  I repeat: IF A MAN SMELLS A TRAP HE WILL RUN.  For example, if he brings up his favorite sports team, you could mention “You know, my friend, (insert name here), also loves the (aforementioned sports team)!”

Step Four: Now that you have laid the groundwork, reel him in with something that you know he is looking for in a girl.  Does he want a girl with a sense of humor?  A cute, blue-eyed blonde?  Somebody who cares more about their intellectual studies than cooking and cleaning?  Find out what this girl has that he would want and tell him!  Tell him a great story that she told you…show him a picture of you and your friend…explain what her latest studies have been about!

Step Five: It’s time.  The trap has been set.  Now it’s time to go for the kill…suggest a blind date!  By now, im sure, he has already made up his mind if he would be interested in her or not.  Your job is done!

HOWEVER, for those of you interested in more underhanded shenanigans, i do have a couple more strategies.  

The “Group” Date:

Step One: Invite the two friends that you are trying to set up on an adventure/outing.  Keep it simple but fun. May be plan to go see a movie…visit a museum…make it something that the two of them would be interested in.

Step Two: Invite two or three other friends so that they remain unsuspecting.  Warn these people that they will not actually be going.

Step Three: The day this outing is to take place, the other two or three friends that you invited will suddenly be unavoidably detained and unable to join you.

Step Four: You and your two friends will go to wherever you had planned to go.  Right when you get there, you will get a prearranged phone call informing you of some “emergency” that needs your immediate attention.

Step Five: Leave them.  They will stay, enjoy their “date”, and (possibly) live happily ever after.

One final plan…save this one for last…i would like to reiterate, this should only be used under desperate circumstances…also, i take no responsibility for any legal actions that might be brought on by the use of Plan X. 

The Plan so Underhanded it Can Only Be Referred to as: Plan X:

Step One: Break into both their homes.

Step Two: Tie them up, blindfold them, gag them.

Step Three: Carry them away to an entrancing meadow filled with glorious flowers with a picnic all laid out for them to enjoy.

Step Four: Loosen the ropes and run…run for your lives.

And there you have it! Three (almost) fool-proof schemes for getting two friends on a blind date.  Luckily i was able to get by using The Stealthy Approach.  In two nights Seth and Maddi might be beginning a beautiful romance.  Or it could be a disaster.  Either way, Maddi will be getting a free meal and Seth will have the honor of a beautiful dining companion.  My job here is done.

 

“When it comes to trouble…”

“…it never rains, it pours.”  Whoever came up with that saying is a genius.  Am i the only one who feels this way?  These past few weeks have been especially difficult for me.  Two different friends tried to encourage me by saying “you’ll look back on this one day and laugh about it!”  So i decided that i might as well start laughing about it now!

I am a firm believer that weather will affect your emotions.  Winter is the worst.  It starts around November: the cold air makes it necessary to start bundling up every time you leave the house and the trees change from gold and crimson masterpieces into stark branches reaching towards the sky…then comes December: snow starts to come and the magic of the first few snowfalls causes you to forget about the frigid weather…we spend the first couple of months reveling in the new beauty that weather brings and anticipating Christmas.  Christmas finally arrives and the parties, food, and presents cause the next two weeks up to New Years to go by in a blur.

Then the enchantment is over.  January hits.  The cold is still here and worse than before; however, curling up in front of the fireplace with a book and a cup of hot chocolate no longer has the appeal that it once did.  We long for the warmth and freedom of summer.  Shorts, no shoes, the pool is calling us by name.  Yet we know that we still have far too long to wait.

Every year i go through what i call my second semester slump.  It usually sneaks up in January and attacks without mercy by February.  This year was worse than usual.  It started about the second week in February.  I was bored, sick of winter, and nothing could make me feel actually happy.  My friends noticed it, my roommates noticed it, and there was nothing i could do to fix it.  However, after only two weeks, i was pleasantly surprised to find that i had snapped out of it.  Life was good! This happened on a Tuesday…i had no idea what was about to come.

On Thursday, after about a day and a half of being back to normal, i learned from a third party that my roommates were planning on moving out.  They couldn’t handle me being upset but not talking to them about it or sharing my emotions with them.  I confronted them Thursday night and they admitted they were planning on moving out soon.

Although we weren’t the best of friends, i did enjoy living with them so it hurt that they weren’t willing to try to figure it out.  Later that night, i was talking to my best guy friend (whom i am secretly in love with, shhhhh!) and i learned that he is very interested in a different girl – she just recently broke up with one of his other friends…a guy he used to be roommates with.  I know what you’re thinking, “What?! How could he?! Ohhhh the drama!!”  Trust me, i thought all that too!  However, when i expressed my concern about how this relationship might not be the best idea, he brushed it aside.

Well Friday i woke up with the knowledge that i was going on a blind date – may be this guy would help me get over my friend and forget about my roommates leaving.  I suppose that might have been a lot to expect from a guy that i have never met…but at the time it seemed like it might work.  Before i left, i ran into my guy friend (we will call him Reginald), Reginald knew that i was going on a blind date so he decided to give me advice:

Let him know who is in charge.

Don’t go to a bar with him.

If he tries anything, flip a chair, table, or car on him.

And above all, do not forget to let him know that you will maim him!

I don’t think he quite understands that the concept of a date is to get to know a guy, have fun, and, if it goes well, hope that he will call you again!

Anyways, i left for my date and got to the theater that we were meeting at about 10 minutes late.  My date was nowhere to be seen.  I waited for about 10 more minutes and then decided that i might as well go to the movie anyways.  I went to the movie – an action-packed thriller – and proceeded to watch over half the movie with my hands over my eyes.  Needless to say, i prefer romantic comedies.

The movie ended, i walked out to my car, and of course i had a parking ticket.  How else would a failed attempt at a date end?!  As I drove home, I was really hoping to be able to talk to Reginald or another friend…i texted Reginald only to discover that we was out with his girl…we talked and he confessed that he was willing to lose his friend in order to be with this girl.  I thought, “Well isn’t that sweet…or stupid…”  Also, this girl (whom we shall call Helena) has decided that it would be perfect for her and i to be best friends.  Although i don’t mind Helena as a person, when she is going after my man she simply becomes an obstacle.  Unfortunately, as Reginald’s friend, and now Helena’s, if they are going to have a third wheel it will be me.  Oh joy. Please note my enthusiasm and anticipation for being the third wheel to the guy im in love with.

Saturday arrived, i worked all day.  About noon i got a text from Helena asking what i was doing Sunday night.  I had no plans so i told her that…she decided we should watch a movie together.  Obviously there is nothing i would rather do.  So i agreed.  That night i hung out with her, Reginald, and Reginald’s roommate whom i am also good friends with…I went back to my room around 1am only to find that my roommates were gone.  Completely moved out.  No text to let me know they were leaving…no note on the door saying goodbye…just a room devoid of their belongings with only three overflowing garbage bags sitting on  the floor to let me know that they had indeed been there and were gone.

The numbness i felt was astonishing.  With everything that had been going on the past few days i never really took time to let it sink in that they were leaving.  I crawled into my bed in my empty room and let the silence wash over me.  I drifted off to sleep with the knowledge that things couldn’t really get much worse.

Naturally i was wrong.  I woke up late, rushed to get ready for church, ran out to my car and jumped in only to find that it wouldn’t start.  Whether it’s out of gas or the battery is dead or something else is wrong i do not know.  I got out of my car…slowly walked back to my room…and started laughing.  Sometimes when everything is going wrong you just need to have a good laugh.

A girl i went to high school used to say, “Life sucks, then you die.”  She’s wrong.  Life goes on…we learn from our mistakes…we find new roommates…we go on dates where the guy actually shows up…we figure out what is wrong with our vehicle…we learn to make the best of seemingly bad situations.

So i will continue on with my life…listen to copious amounts of Ed Sheeran…laugh when i feel like i could cry…and remember that i am not in control of my life.  God is.  And He will get me through it.