Mondays & The Truth About You

ASHLIN'S BLOG

Monday ain’t got nothing on you. She can’t dull something that shines as bright as you.

You are golden.

That’s what all these struggles are, they’re just Mondays. They seem daunting, they threaten to take you down before you even get going. But these hard things are really just a chance to start fresh, to be better than you ever thought you could be.

You’ve got to stop selling yourself short. People need you, they need your laugh and to see you dancing in the kitchen. They need you to be yourself. I promise you that it will change things.

It will change your mailman, the girl behind the counter at the grocery store, the person across the table. I promise you, just simply being yourself will cause cracks in the concrete, because those feet of yours are heavy with purpose and with passion. Be that person, this is your invitation and your…

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Why I Love Iowa Again

love this!!!

Onward & Upward

Years ago, my wife and I lived in Aplington, Iowa.  I was the pastor of a small town church.  This time I was just passing through on my way to see my kids in South Dakota.  I was on my first day of a motorcycle trip from Illinois to California.  As I approached Spencer, Iowa, all I could think about was that about 27 years ago we named our new Scottish Terrier, Spencer after the name we found on the map.

The weather was changing as I approached.  I put on my rain gear and battled a pretty strong wind from the south.  As I got to Spencer, it was dark and raining.  I filled up with gas and looked a weather radar on a gas station tv on the north end of town.

I turned back to the A & W to sit for a bit.  After about an…

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What The Person You Deserve Is Like

Well this just made me cry…

From Mighty Waves to Muddy Swamps

This is the story of how i died.  But don’t worry, this is actually a very fun story!  And the truth is, i never actually died.  (“Tangled”? Anyone?)  However, from the time i was 8 until i reached the ripe old age of 16, i could have sworn i faced death at least once a summer.  Perhaps i should explain…

Every summer my family attends a family reunion at this little lake in Minnesota.  The lake itself is quite shallow, not a big beach, and the perfect place for my cousins and i to have all sorts of adventures.  There is one large house, one small cabin, and plenty of room for campers and tents.  The reunion lasts from Friday-Sunday one weekend every summer.

It begins Friday night.  All the aunts and uncles arrive (most in their 60’s-70’s now) and a few other families.  That night is usually pretty relaxed until about 9 o’clock.  Then “Five Crown’s” gets brought out.  This card game might seem like it could be a quiet little game, they would play for an hour, and then go to bed.

Not in my family.

They will sit around for hours playing.  And they can get competitive.  Cards held close to their chests, eyes suspiciously darting back and forth, accusations, triumphant victories, it can get pretty intense!  They finally go to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning.

Then comes Saturday.  Families arrive, more cousins pile out of their cars, and immediately me and the other girl cousins my age do our best to find an adventure.  It started when i was about 8 years old.  My cousin Annie (9 yrs old) and i decided that we wanted to go out in a canoe alone for the first time.

Unbeknownst to us, the wind was plotting against us.  We got out on the lake just fine, paddled around for a little bit and then decided we wanted to go back to shore.  Just then the wind came up and waves the size of a tsunami (or so it seemed) started beating against the side of our frail little canoe.  It pushed us almost all the way to shore about half a mile from our beach.  Trees lined the shore making it impossible to land and we were too busy trying to keep from being bashed onto the rocks to actually get anywhere.  Well my mom finally noticed the predicament we were in, she recruited her cousin and they fearlessly trekked through the mighty waves to pull us back.

And that was only the beginning.

The years passed and each adventure was bigger than the last.  It would take take me hours to record all of them…so i will simply tell you my favorite.

The year was 2006.  I was 13 years old.  It was another family reunion.  I woke up early Sunday morning and made my way from the cabin i had slept in over to the big house where donuts awaited me for breakfast.  My cousin, Ava was there already.  As we were eating, we looked outside just in time to see our cousins Garrett, Trevor, and Jim getting into a canoe and taking off.  Without taking time to think about it, we ran outside, grabbed life jackets and our cousin Beth, and took off in another canoe.  We tried to stay far enough behind them that they wouldn’t see us.  Eventually we saw them getting close to the shore.  But instead of just landing, they took the canoe straight through the bushes and disappeared.

By this time we were getting quite tired.  As usual, the waves were much larger than they appeared to be from shore.  There was a pretty long stretch of beach that we were near which reached all the way to where the guys had disappeared.  We landed and decided to walk there.  When we finally reached the spot, we discovered a clear little stream of water rushing into the lake coming from a swampy area surrounded by trees and bushes.  We knew we weren’t going to be able to follow them on foot in their so we turned around and started back.

As we were walking, we spotted a large lump on the shore ahead of us.  Nobody remembered it from before so we came to the logical conclusion that it must be a deadly animal which would refuse to let us pass.  We huddled together for protection and slooowly crept up on it.  Ava and i grabbed two large branches which we planned to use to defend ourselves.  We got closer and closer…the brown creature was motionless…and, as most logs do, it remained that way.  But we weren’t back to the canoe yet!  A strange rustling in the bushes caught our attention.  Beth almost fainted when three birds flew out.

We started running and made it back to the canoe completely out of breath; but safe!  With all the terrifying things we encountered on the way there, we had completely missed the boys exiting the swamp.  They paddled over to us and volunteered to help us back since the waves had continued to grow bigger.  Trevor had the brilliant idea to tie one end of Ava’s life jacket to each canoe so that they could pull us back…that worked for about five seconds before the life jacket snapped; they took off with the life jacket trailing behind them while we remained on shore with only a little string as a reminder of their attempt at chivalry.

Finally we pushed off and started back.  We got about halfway back to shore before my sister Jenna, and cousins Kathy and Ashlee met us in their canoe.  We told them the story of the swamp and of course they wanted to see this place.  So we turned around and this time canoed all the way there.  Once arriving, we decided to go in and explore.  Jenna’s canoe went in first.  Just as my canoe got in, Kathy started screaming that there was an alligator!  Her hysteria began to rock their boat with caused Jenna and Ashlee to panic as well.

With three teenage girls all in panic mode, we decided that the best option would be for us to just leave.  We made it out of there alive and almost got off the shore before our canoe tipped over and Ava, Beth, and i got soaked from head to toe.  Dripping wet and tired from all the canoeing, running, and screaming, we finally made it back to our shore.  By now, the rest of the family had started the church service in the big house.  We tried to sneak in the back but of course our parents still noticed.

I was grounded for going off and being late…but it was worth it!

I have always loved those reunions; family, baseball, canoeing, and card games have given me memories that will last a lifetime.  Another reunion is coming up in a few months.  This time we have already decided we want to canoe around the entire lake.  I have no idea how that will go, but no matter what happens it is sure to be another grand adventure!

 

The “F” Word

FEAR.  We all have it.  Some of us are terrified of spiders, snakes, heights…the list goes on and on!  I, for one, am absolutely terrified of skunks, squirrels, and spiders.

I have always been afraid of spiders and even skunks.  As for squirrels, when i was much younger, i was playing in a park and i spotted a cute squirrel nearby.  I walked over and it let me get pretty close before scampering off a little ways.  I walked towards it again and this time i got even closer.  After managing to get within a few feet of it, i decided to run home and grab my handy-dandy butterfly net in order to catch this adorable little creature!  I got back to the park, crept up to the unsuspecting squirrel, and quickly dropped the net on top of him!  Unfortunately, this made him mad.  I’m not talking a little upset, i mean this squirrel was foaming at the mouth, arms and legs flailing in all directions, squealing at the top of his lungs, MAD.  Being your average seven year old little girl, i ran home and got my daddy to go release the crazy animal i had captured.  Ever since then i do my best to keep my distance from any squirrel!

However, this post is not supposed to be about those little fears.  I want to talk about bigger fears that we all deal with: rejection, failure, betrayal, loss.  Today i want to share my own story.  My biggest fear throughout my life has been the fear of rejection.

It started when i was a young girl.  From the day i was born, my best friend (we’ll call her Erica) lived one block away from me.  We went to the same church, same school, same youth group.  We were basically inseparable.  However, as we entered middle school i noticed that things had changed.  I couldn’t automatically count on her to be my partner in class.  She was getting too busy to want to hang out every day after school.  By the sixth grade it was clear that she had a new best friend and a new group.  We still talked and she still asked me to hang out with them.  But we had drifted apart.  All throughout middle school i remained on the edge of their group; i resolved several times that i would just break free and go find a group that i really fit in with.  However, every time i was about to leave, Erica and her new best friend would have a fight and she would come back to me…she would cry and apologize for ever ditching me…and i would always be there for her.

High school came.  I decided that was it.  I was done with just being there when she wanted me to be.  I had may be two actual conversations with her out of our four years in high school.  Two of those years our assigned lockers were right next to each other.  I was a bit of a loner during high school.  I got along with most people, and as far as i know they all liked me.  But i didn’t have a close group of friends.  I floated from group to group; hanging out with the jocks one day, the hicks the next, the artsy group another day.  I was scared of getting too close because i didn’t want to be rejected again.

I focused on making lots of casual friends – that way i could still fulfill my need for people as an extrovert but i didn’t actually have to get too close to anyone.  High school ended and while i knew i would miss it i was excited to move on with my life.  I went away for college and it was incredible to be in a school where not a single person knew me.

I decided that i wanted to start over.  I wanted a close group of friends that i would always be able to count on.  I was going to leave my fear behind and go full speed ahead.  No worries.  By my junior year i thought i was doing really well.  I have about 5 really close friends that i know i can count on for anything – we were all in orientation together and our friendship has just grown since then.

But i’m still scared.

A few months ago i was talking with one of my guy friends (Ryan).  Another acquaintance was there and we were talking about how guys should talk about their feelings more and not bottle things up.  Claire asked me if i bottle things up…well before i could even think about it Ryan exclaimed, “Yeah she does!”  We’ve been friends for about three years now so he knows me.  That made me start thinking and i realized that i do bottle things up.  I don’t talk about my feelings.  Ever.  I’m pretty transparent so if something is wrong my friends will know that there is something going on, but i just can’t talk about how i’m feeling.

I have become so used to keeping things to myself that i physically cannot talk seriously about my feelings.  There have been times when something is bothering me but i refuse to tell anyone because i am so terrified that they will change how they think of me.  That they will decide they no longer want to be friends and just turn me away.

I know i am not the only one who feels this way and i just need to tell you guys that THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

It will not be easy to change.  I have been trying to open up in the last couple of months and it’s hard.  There will be times when something is bothering me, a friend is intentionally asking what it is, i decide i want to tell them, but then i open my mouth and the words won’t come out.

We as humans were not meant to go through life on our own.  When God first created Adam, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone!”  We crave companionship and someone to share our lives with.  It might be hard, but life is so much better when we have somebody to share the struggles with as well as the joy filled moments.

My advice: find somebody you trust.  This could be a friend, mentor, parent, or sibling.  Make a conscious decision to open up to them.  Don’t just tell them what is going on in your life – let them know how you feel about what is happening in your life.  Don’t be afraid to be honest with them.  Life is hard enough the way it is – SHARE THE BURDEN.

I have been Sherlocked

Sherlock Holmes.  Brilliant consulting detective.  Master of deduction.  I grew up reading the stories of Arthur Conan Doyle.  I was always amazed at the unequaled genius of Mr. Sherlock Holmes.  Am i the only one who has tried to play “Sherlock Holmes”?  Has anybody else ever tried to analyze a person to see if they could figure out their life story just by how they looked?  I admit, i still do that these days when i am bored.  If the professor is delivering an especially mundane lecture i evaluate their shoes, outfit, any jewelry they might have on, their hair…unfortunately i usually come to the conclusion that they are a middle aged professor who woke up this morning and went to work…Sherlock would not be impressed.

When i first heard that there was a t.v. show about him i was somewhat wary.  After all, t.v. shows and movies rarely live up to what we have in mind for our favorite books.  We are bound to be disappointed by how a certain character is portrayed, what they look like, or how the plot itself differs from the original.

Therefore i resisted the temptation to watch the BBC show “Sherlock”.  I was content with the books and did not want to see them tarnished in any way.  However, i am an avid Pinterest user.  Within a few weeks of hearing about “Sherlock”, i began to see pictures pop up showing a man wearing a trench coat who had cheekbones that could cut glass.  At first glance i was not overly impressed.  But something continued to draw me in…i don’t know what it was…all i know is that i could not get enough of this man.  The pictures, the quotes from the show, all played a part in driving me to the need to watch “Sherlock” for the very first time.

After that i was hooked.  This show exceeded my expectations dramatically.  Sherlock is as brilliant, calculating, and eccentric as i have always imagined him to be.  Watson is his loyal sidekick; sometimes frustrated by his lack of common courtesy but nevertheless willing to go along with his seemingly crazy schemes.  While some women are drawn to Watson (because he really is precious), most of the hysteria on the internet is focused on Sherlock, himself, which leads me to ask the simple question: why?

Benedict Cumberbatch is the man behind the funny hat.  Sherlock Holmes.  Not a bloody psychopath but a high functioning sociopath (with your number).  He is drug addict and is constantly in need of a new case in order to overcome the boredom that quickly sets in.  Why are women of all ages obsessing over this man?  I believe the answer is quite obvious.  Irene Adler herself gives it to us in “A Scandal in Belgravia”…she says, “Brainy is the new sexy.”  Truer words have never been spoken.

We fell in love with Sherlock Holmes (and Benedict Cumberbatch by default) because of his brilliant mind (and marvelous cheekbones).  His intensity when thinking through a case.  The scowl he wears almost constantly as a reminder that his brain is never at rest.  He knows more than we could ever hope to know.  He could tell you your life story simply by examining a button that falls off your coat.  This is a man who does not stop to think about necessary social graces.  He is far too busy with more important things in life.

But there is another side that we see of Sherlock.  It is the side that he tries so desperately to hide.  The sensitive side.  The side that shows itself most often around John Watson.  If Watson is his loyal sidekick, Sherlock is Watson’s devoted companion.  Sherlock would do anything for John and it is obvious throughout the series.  He throws himself into the fire to pull John out; he puts his own life in danger just to save him.  If you watch closely, you can at times see Sherlock’s vulnerability creep into his eyes.  It rarely lasts long enough to be physically dealt with before he closes it off.

This is the man that women of all ages are in love with.  A stunningly brilliant man who would do anything for his one true friend.  A man who knows how to do almost everything, yet is unable to cope with his own emotions.  A man whom you can’t help falling for.  You want to be with him to watch as his mind goes to work deducing.  You want to be the one that he finally is able to share his feelings with.  You want to care for him and be the one to remind him that he needs to eat…or sleep…even when he is working on a case.  There are so many things that you think he should do…yet you know that if he changed he would not be the same man you fell in love with.  And you wouldn’t change him for the world.

As you can probably tell, i have fallen completely and utterly under the spell of this man with the funny name.  Mr. Benedict Cumberbatch, i applaud you.  Thank you for making the Sherlock Holmes of my imagination come to life.  You, sir, are brilliant.

 

60 Little Tips That Can Change a Girl’s Life

LOVE THIS

SERENDIPITY AND CREATIVITY

One small step for girls, one giant leap for womankind.

1. Download a banking app.
2. Drink more herbal tea. It will save your life.
3. Making your own coffee/tea instead of buying it will make you a rich woman.
4. Always have at least 6 chap sticks stocked up.
5. Check out thrift stores. You may have to wash things three times before you get the old lady smell out, but it’s well worth it.
6. Never buy cheap jeans.
7. Buy cheap sunglasses instead.
8. Don’t chase boys.
9. Wrinkle spray and a hair dryer erase all need to ever use an iron for all of you lazy ironers like me.
10. Wear slippers when you have to drive in heels.
11. Wear slippers when you’re travelling.
12. Wear slippers at all moments that it’s even slightly acceptable to wear slippers.
13. Spend a little extra money on your make up; it’s so worth it.
14. Get running sneakers that are actually…

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How to (Successfully) Set up a Blind Date:

Ever since i was little, i have LOVED to scheme.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is…what other people might call “planning” i prefer to call “scheming”.  There is something devious about the word that my sinister little mind just loves!

One of my most recent schemes involved two good friends of mine: Seth and Maddi.  I decided that they would be perfect together…they didn’t know each other and without my help they probably never would!  I talked to Maddi first.  I had told her about Seth a few times and she was very interested.  The tricky part would be Seth…and the rest of the date.  Now this guy is stubborn…as most guys are.  UNBELIEVABLY stubborn.  Now, there is a trick for getting around this, but you must be clever.  

The Stealthy Approach:

Step One: Broach the subject very casually.  Bring up the friend (Maddi in this case) in a conversation.  DO NOT MENTION A BLIND DATE.  This is very important…if the man so much as suspects that you are trying to trap him he will run.  Simply mention the girl so that he is familiar with the idea of her.

Step Two: Discover their common interests.  Find out one or two things that they are both into and could connect over.

Step Three: After finding out some common interests, bring those up to the guy.  Remain casual.  I repeat: IF A MAN SMELLS A TRAP HE WILL RUN.  For example, if he brings up his favorite sports team, you could mention “You know, my friend, (insert name here), also loves the (aforementioned sports team)!”

Step Four: Now that you have laid the groundwork, reel him in with something that you know he is looking for in a girl.  Does he want a girl with a sense of humor?  A cute, blue-eyed blonde?  Somebody who cares more about their intellectual studies than cooking and cleaning?  Find out what this girl has that he would want and tell him!  Tell him a great story that she told you…show him a picture of you and your friend…explain what her latest studies have been about!

Step Five: It’s time.  The trap has been set.  Now it’s time to go for the kill…suggest a blind date!  By now, im sure, he has already made up his mind if he would be interested in her or not.  Your job is done!

HOWEVER, for those of you interested in more underhanded shenanigans, i do have a couple more strategies.  

The “Group” Date:

Step One: Invite the two friends that you are trying to set up on an adventure/outing.  Keep it simple but fun. May be plan to go see a movie…visit a museum…make it something that the two of them would be interested in.

Step Two: Invite two or three other friends so that they remain unsuspecting.  Warn these people that they will not actually be going.

Step Three: The day this outing is to take place, the other two or three friends that you invited will suddenly be unavoidably detained and unable to join you.

Step Four: You and your two friends will go to wherever you had planned to go.  Right when you get there, you will get a prearranged phone call informing you of some “emergency” that needs your immediate attention.

Step Five: Leave them.  They will stay, enjoy their “date”, and (possibly) live happily ever after.

One final plan…save this one for last…i would like to reiterate, this should only be used under desperate circumstances…also, i take no responsibility for any legal actions that might be brought on by the use of Plan X. 

The Plan so Underhanded it Can Only Be Referred to as: Plan X:

Step One: Break into both their homes.

Step Two: Tie them up, blindfold them, gag them.

Step Three: Carry them away to an entrancing meadow filled with glorious flowers with a picnic all laid out for them to enjoy.

Step Four: Loosen the ropes and run…run for your lives.

And there you have it! Three (almost) fool-proof schemes for getting two friends on a blind date.  Luckily i was able to get by using The Stealthy Approach.  In two nights Seth and Maddi might be beginning a beautiful romance.  Or it could be a disaster.  Either way, Maddi will be getting a free meal and Seth will have the honor of a beautiful dining companion.  My job here is done.

 

Home Is Where the Heart Is

I grew up in small town Iowa.  The summer before my freshman year of college i was emailing one of my roommates whom i had not met yet.  I mentioned that i lived in a small town and she replied that she also lived in a small town…by “small town” she meant over 8,000 people…a suburb of Minneapolis.  I, on the other hand, meant a SMALL TOWN – less than 500 people living in the middle of nowhere.

Where i come from, it is not completely out of the ordinary for a stray cow to wander into town and take a stroll down main street.

Where i come from, the mayor has been known to keep a runaway pig safe while waiting for it’s owner to come pick it up.

Where i come from, we have an annual “Drive Your Tractor to School” day.

Where i come from, a quick walk around town is never actually a quick walk around town…half a dozen people will stop you and want to know how your niece’s cousin’s new baby is doing or if you are engaged yet or how your father’s rheumatism has been.

Where i come from, rumors spread faster than butter melts on a hot day.

Where i come from, you will be expected to participate in the big debate: “Green VS. Red” (i.e. John Deere VS. Case I.H.)

Where i come from, everyone knows when somebody new moves into town.

Where i come from, the grapevine is alive and well…it is quite possible that people will know what you are going to do before you even know it.

Where i come from, i had some of the same teachers that my parents had…and those teachers remembered them.

Where i come from, you can forget a jacket in the park and it will still be there the next day…unless, of course, somebody already found it and brought it back to you.

Where i come from, it is considered rude if you do not wave at somebody when you meet them while driving.

Where i come from, it is not unusual for a tractor, pick-up, and motorcycle sitting side-by-side in the middle of Main Street just having a casual conversation.

Where i come from, the Fire Station is also used as a place for people to go to have coffee in the mornings.

Where i come from, the town will be deserted, and school will be canceled, if the basketball team makes it to state.

Where i come from, a traffic jam is usually caused by a tractor taking up most of the road.

Where i come from, a summer evening can be spent sitting on the front porch as a family and talking to those who walk by.

Where i come from, it’s easier to get out of a ticket because the policeman was also your youth group leader.

Where i come from, we share recipes, we go to church together, we cook meals and bring them to those who need them, we share our lives, joys and difficulties, with each other and it makes our own lives that much better.  A lot of people believe that you need to live in a large city if you want to be successful.  They are wrong.  I live in a large city while i am in college.  While there are a few advantages, (more things to do, places to go, etc.) the isolation among the people living there is enough to make me realize that i could never be satisfied living there after having grown up in a real community.  Once I was speaking to one of my friends who has lived in a big city his whole life and he was telling me about how he didn’t even know his neighbors.

Coming home for spring break, i get to see people that have known me since the day i was born.  They were there to help me celebrate my first birthday; they took me in when i wiped out on my bike right outside their home and cleaned me up and bandaged me; they were there for me when my grandpa passed away; they took my sister and i into their homes and taught us how to sew and bake.  I know the people in this town and they know me.  We are a family.  We work together, play together, grieve together, and rejoice together.

Some people measure success by how much money you make; i believe it should be measured by the impact you make in another persons life.  The people in this town have taught me more than i have ever learned in a classroom.  I might move away one day, but their lessons will not be forgotten.

Better left unsaid:

We all say things that we wish we could take back.  Sometimes these things come from being overly tired…sometimes they are simply taken out of context…and sometimes we just don’t know any better until somebody else points out the stupidity of our comment.

Although we might regret these things, when someone other than ourselves has such a moment we are overjoyed.  I decided to keep track of humorous things i hear throughout the day which make me sigh with relief as i realize that i’m not the only one who says things that would probably be better off left unsaid.  Enjoy!

“I’m so excited to try my white broccoli!”  (i looked at her plate to see a pile of cauliflower)

“I just found out that i’m part Russian!  My dad told me last night that i’m 15% Prussian!”

“The American Civil War was long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror…much like our board meetings!”

“That man was a few fries short of a happy meal!”

“What is Obama’s last name?”

“Are you from Libya or Africa?”

“You know a girl is a keeper when you play monopoly and she picks the iron!”

“It’s 8:23…you know what that means! IT’S GRAPE DRANK TIME!!”

“If there was a tumbleweed house at the top…i would be there already!”

“Actually the earth moves around the sun!” “Not true, the earth is the center of the universe!” 

“My saliva was made by God!”

“His mom and dad were Mormon…they tried to sacrifice him”

“It’s like a relationship!  COD is the marriage, and Black Ops is the baby!”

“I feel like if we are going to be up at midnight we should either do something illegal or run for a really long time!”

“You see, magnets work because there is a tiny white unicorn in one, and a tiny black unicorn in another, and they attract and move towards each other!”

“Genocide is like a cup of coffee”

“Well Hitler never killed anyone!”

“Jesus would sell cocaine!”

“Say something nice!” “You’re qualities aren’t that bad today!”

“You must be cold and hard like a Russian turnip!”

“He may have been a baby raper…but he got people into the store!”

“He had the hair of a true scumbag”

“What should we call our sandwich with barbecue, beef, and cheddar?” “Ummmm how about the Barbecue, Beef, and Cheddar sandwich??”

“When they hit the ball twice, it’s called two hits…don’t worry, it’s technical terminology!”

“I’ve known eight murderers in my life…only two were from my family”

“Famous last words of Davey Crockett: ‘Trust me, boys!'”

“Well i think we’re a lot closer now than when we left home”

And there you go…many of these were probably taken out of context…heard by yours truly as i passed people on the sidewalk…a few of them were from my own family or friends…and i am ashamed to admit that i am responsible for one of these quotes.

I hope you enjoyed these as much as i did.  I will leave you with these wise words (found on a Dove wrapper) “Laugh, Love, Dream”