Ever since i was little, i have LOVED to scheme. It doesn’t matter what the situation is…what other people might call “planning” i prefer to call “scheming”. There is something devious about the word that my sinister little mind just loves!
One of my most recent schemes involved two good friends of mine: Seth and Maddi. I decided that they would be perfect together…they didn’t know each other and without my help they probably never would! I talked to Maddi first. I had told her about Seth a few times and she was very interested. The tricky part would be Seth…and the rest of the date. Now this guy is stubborn…as most guys are. UNBELIEVABLY stubborn. Now, there is a trick for getting around this, but you must be clever.
The Stealthy Approach:
Step One: Broach the subject very casually. Bring up the friend (Maddi in this case) in a conversation. DO NOT MENTION A BLIND DATE. This is very important…if the man so much as suspects that you are trying to trap him he will run. Simply mention the girl so that he is familiar with the idea of her.
Step Two: Discover their common interests. Find out one or two things that they are both into and could connect over.
Step Three: After finding out some common interests, bring those up to the guy. Remain casual. I repeat: IF A MAN SMELLS A TRAP HE WILL RUN. For example, if he brings up his favorite sports team, you could mention “You know, my friend, (insert name here), also loves the (aforementioned sports team)!”
Step Four: Now that you have laid the groundwork, reel him in with something that you know he is looking for in a girl. Does he want a girl with a sense of humor? A cute, blue-eyed blonde? Somebody who cares more about their intellectual studies than cooking and cleaning? Find out what this girl has that he would want and tell him! Tell him a great story that she told you…show him a picture of you and your friend…explain what her latest studies have been about!
Step Five: It’s time. The trap has been set. Now it’s time to go for the kill…suggest a blind date! By now, im sure, he has already made up his mind if he would be interested in her or not. Your job is done!
HOWEVER, for those of you interested in more underhanded shenanigans, i do have a couple more strategies.
The “Group” Date:
Step One: Invite the two friends that you are trying to set up on an adventure/outing. Keep it simple but fun. May be plan to go see a movie…visit a museum…make it something that the two of them would be interested in.
Step Two: Invite two or three other friends so that they remain unsuspecting. Warn these people that they will not actually be going.
Step Three: The day this outing is to take place, the other two or three friends that you invited will suddenly be unavoidably detained and unable to join you.
Step Four: You and your two friends will go to wherever you had planned to go. Right when you get there, you will get a prearranged phone call informing you of some “emergency” that needs your immediate attention.
Step Five: Leave them. They will stay, enjoy their “date”, and (possibly) live happily ever after.
One final plan…save this one for last…i would like to reiterate, this should only be used under desperate circumstances…also, i take no responsibility for any legal actions that might be brought on by the use of Plan X.
The Plan so Underhanded it Can Only Be Referred to as: Plan X:
Step One: Break into both their homes.
Step Two: Tie them up, blindfold them, gag them.
Step Three: Carry them away to an entrancing meadow filled with glorious flowers with a picnic all laid out for them to enjoy.
Step Four: Loosen the ropes and run…run for your lives.
And there you have it! Three (almost) fool-proof schemes for getting two friends on a blind date. Luckily i was able to get by using The Stealthy Approach. In two nights Seth and Maddi might be beginning a beautiful romance. Or it could be a disaster. Either way, Maddi will be getting a free meal and Seth will have the honor of a beautiful dining companion. My job here is done.
The Golden Age is Before Us 