How to (Successfully) Set up a Blind Date:

Ever since i was little, i have LOVED to scheme.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is…what other people might call “planning” i prefer to call “scheming”.  There is something devious about the word that my sinister little mind just loves!

One of my most recent schemes involved two good friends of mine: Seth and Maddi.  I decided that they would be perfect together…they didn’t know each other and without my help they probably never would!  I talked to Maddi first.  I had told her about Seth a few times and she was very interested.  The tricky part would be Seth…and the rest of the date.  Now this guy is stubborn…as most guys are.  UNBELIEVABLY stubborn.  Now, there is a trick for getting around this, but you must be clever.  

The Stealthy Approach:

Step One: Broach the subject very casually.  Bring up the friend (Maddi in this case) in a conversation.  DO NOT MENTION A BLIND DATE.  This is very important…if the man so much as suspects that you are trying to trap him he will run.  Simply mention the girl so that he is familiar with the idea of her.

Step Two: Discover their common interests.  Find out one or two things that they are both into and could connect over.

Step Three: After finding out some common interests, bring those up to the guy.  Remain casual.  I repeat: IF A MAN SMELLS A TRAP HE WILL RUN.  For example, if he brings up his favorite sports team, you could mention “You know, my friend, (insert name here), also loves the (aforementioned sports team)!”

Step Four: Now that you have laid the groundwork, reel him in with something that you know he is looking for in a girl.  Does he want a girl with a sense of humor?  A cute, blue-eyed blonde?  Somebody who cares more about their intellectual studies than cooking and cleaning?  Find out what this girl has that he would want and tell him!  Tell him a great story that she told you…show him a picture of you and your friend…explain what her latest studies have been about!

Step Five: It’s time.  The trap has been set.  Now it’s time to go for the kill…suggest a blind date!  By now, im sure, he has already made up his mind if he would be interested in her or not.  Your job is done!

HOWEVER, for those of you interested in more underhanded shenanigans, i do have a couple more strategies.  

The “Group” Date:

Step One: Invite the two friends that you are trying to set up on an adventure/outing.  Keep it simple but fun. May be plan to go see a movie…visit a museum…make it something that the two of them would be interested in.

Step Two: Invite two or three other friends so that they remain unsuspecting.  Warn these people that they will not actually be going.

Step Three: The day this outing is to take place, the other two or three friends that you invited will suddenly be unavoidably detained and unable to join you.

Step Four: You and your two friends will go to wherever you had planned to go.  Right when you get there, you will get a prearranged phone call informing you of some “emergency” that needs your immediate attention.

Step Five: Leave them.  They will stay, enjoy their “date”, and (possibly) live happily ever after.

One final plan…save this one for last…i would like to reiterate, this should only be used under desperate circumstances…also, i take no responsibility for any legal actions that might be brought on by the use of Plan X. 

The Plan so Underhanded it Can Only Be Referred to as: Plan X:

Step One: Break into both their homes.

Step Two: Tie them up, blindfold them, gag them.

Step Three: Carry them away to an entrancing meadow filled with glorious flowers with a picnic all laid out for them to enjoy.

Step Four: Loosen the ropes and run…run for your lives.

And there you have it! Three (almost) fool-proof schemes for getting two friends on a blind date.  Luckily i was able to get by using The Stealthy Approach.  In two nights Seth and Maddi might be beginning a beautiful romance.  Or it could be a disaster.  Either way, Maddi will be getting a free meal and Seth will have the honor of a beautiful dining companion.  My job here is done.

 

Home Is Where the Heart Is

I grew up in small town Iowa.  The summer before my freshman year of college i was emailing one of my roommates whom i had not met yet.  I mentioned that i lived in a small town and she replied that she also lived in a small town…by “small town” she meant over 8,000 people…a suburb of Minneapolis.  I, on the other hand, meant a SMALL TOWN – less than 500 people living in the middle of nowhere.

Where i come from, it is not completely out of the ordinary for a stray cow to wander into town and take a stroll down main street.

Where i come from, the mayor has been known to keep a runaway pig safe while waiting for it’s owner to come pick it up.

Where i come from, we have an annual “Drive Your Tractor to School” day.

Where i come from, a quick walk around town is never actually a quick walk around town…half a dozen people will stop you and want to know how your niece’s cousin’s new baby is doing or if you are engaged yet or how your father’s rheumatism has been.

Where i come from, rumors spread faster than butter melts on a hot day.

Where i come from, you will be expected to participate in the big debate: “Green VS. Red” (i.e. John Deere VS. Case I.H.)

Where i come from, everyone knows when somebody new moves into town.

Where i come from, the grapevine is alive and well…it is quite possible that people will know what you are going to do before you even know it.

Where i come from, i had some of the same teachers that my parents had…and those teachers remembered them.

Where i come from, you can forget a jacket in the park and it will still be there the next day…unless, of course, somebody already found it and brought it back to you.

Where i come from, it is considered rude if you do not wave at somebody when you meet them while driving.

Where i come from, it is not unusual for a tractor, pick-up, and motorcycle sitting side-by-side in the middle of Main Street just having a casual conversation.

Where i come from, the Fire Station is also used as a place for people to go to have coffee in the mornings.

Where i come from, the town will be deserted, and school will be canceled, if the basketball team makes it to state.

Where i come from, a traffic jam is usually caused by a tractor taking up most of the road.

Where i come from, a summer evening can be spent sitting on the front porch as a family and talking to those who walk by.

Where i come from, it’s easier to get out of a ticket because the policeman was also your youth group leader.

Where i come from, we share recipes, we go to church together, we cook meals and bring them to those who need them, we share our lives, joys and difficulties, with each other and it makes our own lives that much better.  A lot of people believe that you need to live in a large city if you want to be successful.  They are wrong.  I live in a large city while i am in college.  While there are a few advantages, (more things to do, places to go, etc.) the isolation among the people living there is enough to make me realize that i could never be satisfied living there after having grown up in a real community.  Once I was speaking to one of my friends who has lived in a big city his whole life and he was telling me about how he didn’t even know his neighbors.

Coming home for spring break, i get to see people that have known me since the day i was born.  They were there to help me celebrate my first birthday; they took me in when i wiped out on my bike right outside their home and cleaned me up and bandaged me; they were there for me when my grandpa passed away; they took my sister and i into their homes and taught us how to sew and bake.  I know the people in this town and they know me.  We are a family.  We work together, play together, grieve together, and rejoice together.

Some people measure success by how much money you make; i believe it should be measured by the impact you make in another persons life.  The people in this town have taught me more than i have ever learned in a classroom.  I might move away one day, but their lessons will not be forgotten.